You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Drake has all the answers
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
