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Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We got so high we made milksteak
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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