Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Semen is not good for contacts.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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