My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
