It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
