The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize