Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
