Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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