if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
