Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
