I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
high people should be assigned attendants
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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