sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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