hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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