my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
