Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
