They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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