no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
