If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
