then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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