You surviving the open bar?
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I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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