Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
