I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
