I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
