I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize