Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
