FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
