I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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