Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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