apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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