I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
