The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
