I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize