he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
