I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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