just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
