I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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