life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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