I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
