I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
