He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You ate ashes out of my bong
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
