im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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