My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
