The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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