singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
