What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
