Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Randomize
