I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
