its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
