the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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