I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
