I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
