I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
