we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
FUCK WHALES
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
