you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
