if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
