Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I wish life had little blips of pornography
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
