I accidentally had phone sex last night
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
