it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it was like eating out sand paper
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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