I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
