i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
