Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
