I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
