I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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