You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
