When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
