You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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