God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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