I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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